A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
