to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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