Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
