I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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