this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
