It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
