I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Send help, water and tortillas.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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