I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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