We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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