Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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