Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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