apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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