I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize