living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
