So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
No subtext here. People are naked.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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