I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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