I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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