Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
