sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
