I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
