Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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