Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
