can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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