I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
false alarm, still single
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