im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
