i think i have two assholes
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
