Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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