he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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