Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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