apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize