o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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