We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My ATM looks so different sober.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
