she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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