I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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