Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
