i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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