the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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