At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
