I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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