I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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