I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
