how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
