We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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