Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
