i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
