No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize