I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
