I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
