Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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