I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
