So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
