Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
