He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
