Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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