he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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