9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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