I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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