Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
