dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
