i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
