I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
