apparently the secret to your success is patron
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
