i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
