We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
