my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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