I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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