if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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