dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize