you're like a bully in the Christmas story
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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