am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
