Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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