i barfeds in our rink
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
