i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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