Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
