It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
