I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
