I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
