she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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