Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
