Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
