what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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