Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
