Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
