The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
