After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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