I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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