i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
