Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
