Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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