I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
