She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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