either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
