Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
