just tell him i said nine months
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
