That's when you crack a 10am beer
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
