I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
