when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
