Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize