I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
