we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
