There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
