I'm sorry my penis didn't work
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
