They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
