His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize