No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
