ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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