i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
