just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
