Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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