i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize