you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize