my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
