I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
