Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
