I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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