My cat gives me a boner
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
