What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
